Everything is so unacceptable. I thought he is trustful. I think he won’t break up with me. I think he desired on me. I think he love me so much.

But all my thoughts are wrong. All in my mind are so untrue about him. He lied to me so much. I can recognize his lies but I chosen to believe his lies.

 I can’t imagine how he still can have intimate relationship with another woman when he’s make me as his girlfriend.

Am I a prostitute? He just wants mine virgin? Damn bastard!! We mostly have sex when hang out together… just sex nothing else….. Even something he’s trying to rape me, but I scared to scream. Maybe I should I’m not strong enough to defeat him. I felt so soft that time… I can’t do anything except follow what he wants.

Am I his ATM machine? Why he always wants me give him money? And tell me dun ask him to return because it makes him felt much unclosed between us…. Is this a trick to cheat me? Or he really thinks so? I calculated, I had borrowed him rm1000. Although he did mention once that he’ll be returned the money to me, but until now he never return to me.

These two reasons make me want to break up with him.

Later we together back again, but he revenged after.

Today, I’m not his girlfriend anymore, I’m his permuting. He’s not my friend even boyfriend but he’s my enemy.

I still miss him sometimes although I hate him. It’s very strange. I want to stop him float on my mind, but I failed. I had tried so hard to forget him, make myself very busy, but it doesn’t work anywhere. But anywhere, I’m very sure that I do not love him anymore. I miss him because he left me an indestructible memory.